Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

  • Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
  • Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
  • Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
  • Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
  • Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
  • Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
  • Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
  • Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
  • Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
  • Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
  • Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
  • Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
  • Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
  • Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
  • Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
  • Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
  • Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
  • Dad: Fuck the government.
  • Dad: Fuck the school board.
  • Dad: Close the door.
  • Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
  • Dad: I love puns.
  • Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
  • Dad: Please shut up.
  • Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
  • Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
  • Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
  • Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
  • Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
  • Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
  • Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
  • Dad: They act like I care what they think.
  • Dad: I hate homework.
  • Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
  • Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

aflawedfashion:

River and The Doctor

To my Doctor, that’s his great big relationship in the show. —Matt Smith

(via tillthenexttimedoctor)

professionaldaydreamer2:

Coping strategy for when you are trapped in conversations with obnoxious people:
1. Pick a spot nearby, around eye level, preferably a small object. That is now the camera.
2. When they say something you just cannot stand, look directly into the camera like you’re on The Office
3. Repeat as often as needed

(via clock-strikes-twelves)

burningupasun:

Doctor Who Episode Stills [6/??]

sociopathmb:

Amazing crossover. 

madhatterin221b:

s4 opens with john in bed, sleeping soundly, then pans out and you see sherlock sitting next to him, holding a book in one hand, shirtless, playing with john’s dog tags, which are around his neck.

Tags: johnlock

kinagase:

SEND ME A  ♪ I WILL PUT MUSIC ON SHUFFLE AND GIV E YOU A SONG AND MY FAVORITE LINE FROM IT

(via bloggerinthetardis)

"Look, the Pie!"

— Ancient proverb for defusing tense family situations (via shakeitallout)

(via wholock-potterhead)

coyotelips:

miirkwoods:

modern day tolkien elves

modern day elves getting away sleeping in the classroom with their eyes open

modern day elves straightening each other hair

modern day elves wearing flip flops in the snow

modern day elves shooting with compound bows

just modern day elves

"Jeffrey what do your elven eyes see"

"the Roy Roger’s down the street is totally still open, and they’re putting some burgers on the grill"

"choice"

(via wholock-potterhead)


She’s not possible.
She’s not possible.

(Source: mccoysm, via clarasfallingleaf)